2017 died expectedly on December 31, 2017 at the age of 365 days old.
She (we are going to refer to her as “she” because this was the year of women) is survived by whatever the hell is going to happen with Kim Jong Un and his stupid missiles, ripped jeans, Trump administration and the new generation of Kardashian babies.
2017 is preceded in death by Tom Petty, Mary Tyler Moore, Hugh Hefner and “the old Taylor Swift.”
She was born on January 1, 2017 to a world yearning for new beginnings.
From a young age, 2017 was off to a shaky start as she became a prominent example of bad leadership.
At just a mere 20 days old, 2017 inaugurated Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States.
Needless to say 2017 did manage to redeem herself with the Women’s March on Washington D.C. the very next day.
With approximately 5 million people participating in similar protests all over the country, 2017 became the largest protest in a single day in U.S. history. The march was accompanied by similar demonstrations taking place all over the world.
2017 graduated from the School of Hard Knocks in May along with thousands of other students. Good news for her was that college students were enjoying the longest run in job growth since her older brother was born in 1990.
Bad news was that work is not nearly as fun as college.
The latter days of 2017’s life were filled with tumult and uproar.
At 241 days old, there were more mass shootings in America than there were in 2017’s life.
Many of these shootings took the lives of innocent bystanders in places like the Las Vegas Strip and First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas.
Shortly after her 250th birthday, 2017 became acquainted with a few troublesome peers named Harvey, Irma, Maria and Thomas. They tore apart homes, communities and thousands of families.
Hurricane Harvey wasn’t the only storm named “Harvey” to create chaos in 2017.
Yes, I am talking about Mr. Harvey Weinstein.
More than a dozen women accused Weinstein of sexually harassing, assaulting or raping them resulting in the removal from his own company and sparking national conversation regarding sexual misconduct.
The allegations against Weinstein launched the #MeToo Movement created by Tarana Burke who encouraged women to come forth about their experiences and shed light on the misbehavior by men.
Although 2017 did have her faults, one cannot dismiss her wicked sense of humor.
Like when she crashed her dad’s interview with the BBC:
Or when she accidentally announced La La Land as a the winner of Best Picture at the Oscars:
And who can forget when singing ventriloquist Darci Lynne received the Golden Buzzer on America’s Got Talent:
Her enthusiasm for life and making others laugh transitioned into her being well liked by her peers… literally.
2017 debuted Beyoncé’s pregnancy announcement on Instagram and racked up the most likes ever at 7.2 million in less than 20 hours.
While most people tend to slow down at old age, 2017 was so hot toward the end of her life you actually needed sunglasses to look at her.
Her funeral happened the same day as her death, except it was not one to be mourned but celebrated. Her donations were received in the form Uber surges, expensive bar tabs and some unexpected pregnancies.
2017 leaves behind a single Prince Harry, fidget spinners (hopefully), the once popular app “Vine” and plenty of fed up women ready to take on the world and fight for the rights they deserve.
So cheers to you 2017. May we learn from you, grow from you and hopefully forget most of you.
Cheers,
Erin
Overwhelmingly Erin 