Dating Apps are the New Fart

“Dating apps are the new fart,” a friend of mine recently said. “Everybody does it, but nobody wants to admit it!”

I could not agree more.

When dating apps first became popular, I found myself to shutter at the mere idea of creating a profile. Matching myself with someone on the basis of a few photos, brief personal descriptions and array of emojis just didn’t feel right.

“It’s not natural,” I thought. “I want to meet someone in the traditional sense.”

And when I say “traditional sense” I am pretty much thinking about the drunken encounters on a night out like how most single twenty-somethings are meeting their significant others.

I have never seriously engaged with a dating app before so I decided to take a shot at “Bumble” as I thought it to be a tad classier than “Tinder.”

Although incredibly reluctant, my inner thoughts said, “fuck it” and I created my profile.

After all, I still live at home and all my friends moved away so I have absolutely nothing to do.

With those not familiar with Bumble, essentially the difference between Tinder is that the girl respond first…. which I find rather intimidating!

I just don’t know how to start these conversations! (If anyone is a pro at this please feel free to take over my account)

It’s so uncomfortable.

How do you even begin these conversations?

“Hey” or “Hey!” or “Heyy”

Or what about “What’s up!” but then do you add a “How are you?”

The options are overwhelmingly endless.

You see, there is not formulaic response to how you online date and while already uncomfortable, messaging is not even the hard part… it’s meeting up with these strangers if you actually choose to do so!

There was this one guy I was conversing with that was fairly attractive. We were messaging back and forth and had a few mutual friends on Facebook. He added me on Instagram and responded with this text message:

 

Sorry buddy, I am pretty sure I lost interest when he said his career occupation was “Ticket Seller” at the AMC and tried to swoon me over with free movie tickets.

Nope! That was the end of my brief run at Bumble.

It was not until a day later when a friend recommended the app “Coffee Meets Bagel.”

Which is actually an even classier version of Bumble if you can believe it or not.

Because clearly I am so unbelievably classy as it already is.

For Christ’s sake, I am posting about my non-existent dating life on a blog that no one reads so just bear with me people.

With Coffee Meets Bagel, your profile is a bit more personal than Bumble in the sense that you can add a little more about your hobbies and interests to better create a more suitable match.

Once you and another person become matched, a chat is created where the app develops icebreaker questions based on your interests. Either guy or girl can start the conversation. (Or girl, girl or boy, boy- we don’t discriminate in this blog!)

I matched with a few people then received a message from one of my suitors.

Hmm, lets just call him Sean for the sake of privacy.

Sean is a very well-to-do guy. He is from Philadelphia and studied engineering at the University of Pittsburgh. Sean works at a highly successful biomedical firm where my dad actually works at surprisingly enough.

And no, they don’t know each other (thank God).

We started chatting and it turned out he was a Steelers fan and also likes to run! Two of my favorite things! So of course I said “yes” when he asked if I wanted to meet up at a local brewery for drinks.

I strategically planned to meet at the brewery at 8:30 P.M knowing that it closed at 10:00 P.M so it would not have to be that long of a date. This would also grant me the option to bail early if he wanted to go somewhere after.

Genius alert!!!

I was a bit nervous because I have never engaged in something like this before.

Now that I think about, my last date was when I was a sophomore in high school. I walked to a frozen yogurt place where my date paid for my yogurt entirely in change…

** If you haven’t quite caught on yet, my life is kind of pathetic but that’s okay!!! **

We had some nice conversation. Chatted about our personal interests and exchanged funny stories.

But poor guy, I thought I was nervous? He was shaking the whole time! I tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible and he eased up a bit.

We had two rounds of beers and he paid for the whole thing. I tried paying for the next round but he insisted on buying.

Because I’m a broke bitch I just couldn’t seem to say no!

As the date ended we hugged and said goodbye. We still send a few texts back and forth but that’s about it.

In conclusion, was my first date using an online dating app weird? No.

Am I going to marry this guy? Probably not.

Will I go on another date with him? Probably.

Why? Just to make sure we probably won’t ever get married and it gives me a reason to get out of my good ole’ twin bed.

 

Cheers,

Erin

 

P.S. If you are thinking about trying a dating app, go for it! There is no shame and I swear it’s not as weird as you might think it to be.

 

P.P.S If this is “Sean” and you somehow get ahold of this, you are really nice and I like the dimple on your chin!!!!